you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
