I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
