I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
