Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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