If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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