can we get nightvision for the apartment?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize