i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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