I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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