This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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