Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
