paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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