I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
