Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize