i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
