One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was like eating out sand paper
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
