I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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