she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
