I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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