I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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