We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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