I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
