batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
