To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
