Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
