you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
