im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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