Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
