I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize