I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize