Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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