I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
