let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
