it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
