Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
