I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
