well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize