I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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