How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
