Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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