He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize