Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
