He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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