my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
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Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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