I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
