Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
