in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
