God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
