So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
