Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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