omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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