i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
