tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
