I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
