I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You took a bar mat shot.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
