I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
